Terrell Owens is a Joke
by Tommy Gimler Did Terrell Owens catch Seattle Seahawks’ GM John Schneider giving Tavaris Jackson a beej in the men’s room at The Zig Zag Cafe? Because I can’t come up with any other plausible reason...
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Bills Cut Vince Young, Putting Serious Dent in His Hall of Fame Plans
by Tommy Gimler In August of 2009, Vince Young told Esquire he would be the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl and he would make the Hall of Fame. Today, the Buffalo Bills released him. Now,...
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Let’s Try To Breakdown The Packers-Seahawks Game And Win Our Money Back
by Tommy Gimler Eleven underdogs won against the spread this week. Eleven!?!?! Why as a whole are we so bad at picking the winner of a football game? I mean, what did Sam “Ace” Rothstein have that we...
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NFL – Not Fucking Legit
by Tommy Gimler Want to kill your erection? Take a look at this picture: How can Roger Goodell sit in his chair and expect the rest of us to watch his “league” anymore? What happened Monday night in...
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The Result of the Game Is Final
by Tommy Gimler and The Top 5 Five Like we said they would last night, the NFL issued a statement a few minutes ago telling fans that Golden Tate had simultaneous possession of the ball that M.D....
View ArticleRakesh Will Try To Make You Rich, Bro
by Rakesh The Intern Check it out, bro. If you would have roll with me like I tell you to last week, then you would have been able to buy your little girly a new necklace, my friend. Here is how I see...
View ArticleBreaking Down An Absolute Ass Pounding
by Tommy Gimler If you caught just the score of the Seattle Seahawks’ 58-0 victory today, you might have thought they were playing the Arizona School For The Blind. But believe it or not, they...
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These 5 NFC Teams Remind Us Of These 5 Broads
special to The DUD from thetop5five The Top 5 is bringing you 5 NFC teams and their female counterparts! The Daily Upper Decker will break down 5 AFC teams, probably with a ton of vulgarity, in part 2...
View ArticleI Am Hotter Than Two Girls Petting Heavy in Billiards Club, Bro
by Rakesh The Intern Check it out, bro. I hit on 70% of my American football picks last week, and you didn’t even have to pay me to get those picks, boss. Why give AccuScore your money for wrong picks...
View ArticleLeroy Hill Provides A Mountain Of Points In Your Arrested Athletes Fantasy...
by Tommy Gimler Thank Christ for Leroy Hill. It’s time we put to rest these ridiculous deer-antler spray, gay bashing, and retard stories from Super Bowl XLVII and just got back to some good old...
View ArticleDUD NFL Preview: NFC West
by Tommy Gimler Well then. The division that used to be known as the NFL’s anus now boasts two of the league’s best teams. The DUD dives in to figure out which one will finish 2013 on top. Oh, and...
View ArticleSunday’s Worst
by Tommy Gimler Even Stevie Wonder saw this one coming. I mean, maybe Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco, cashing checks to the tune of $30 million this year, isn’t a top-three NFL quarterback,...
View ArticleThe DUD NFL Midseason Report: NFC
by Tommy Gimler You have to think every NFC East team knows that whoever makes it out of the division is going to get smoked in the first round of the playoffs… NFC EAST Current Standings...
View ArticleRams Player Brings Down Vernon Davis By His Bologna Pony
by Tommy Gimler Most of the time when a Facebook friend sends us a video of one man grabbing ahold of another man’s dick, he is instantly deleted. But we’ll give Jeffrey in Dallas a pass on this one....
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A Hot Dog Vendor, A Whiny Head Coach, And A Cameraman Who Just Got Hit In The...
by Tommy Gimler Peyton Manning set a new single-season touchdown record for quarterbacks. Tony Romo hit DeMarco Murray for a game-winning tuddy that, at least for one more week, saved the Cowboys’...
View ArticleAdam Feuerberg’s Report On Four Teams All Of Us Actually Give A Shit About
by Adam Feuerberg So the stage is set for what I consider to be the last real weekend in football, NFL Conference Championship Sunday. I know the real NFL title is decided in the Super Bowl, but that...
View ArticleJump On The Early Super Bowl 48 Betting Line Like A Piece Of Incoming...
by Rakesh The Intern I’m telling you, bro. Betting on the biggest game in American sports is a lot like picking out some freshman poon at the University of Toledo, bro. You have to pounce on that shit...
View ArticleHow Much Is It Going To Cost To Watch The Broncos Win The Super Bowl In Person?
by Tommy Gimler So, you’re a Broncos or Seahawks fan, and your team is one game away from winning what Jake Taylor referred to as “the whole fucking thing” in what many people call “the greatest city...
View ArticleLast Chance To Win $50 From DUD Is This Super Bowl 48 Prop Sheet, Bro
by Rakesh The Intern Check it out, bro. Betting on American football this year has been almost as brutal as watching Kevin Costner movie, my friend. I mean, do we really need three full hours to tell...
View ArticleStraight Cash, Homey: Make These Super Bowl Prop Bets Your Bitch This Sunday
by Sean Green Marathon eating, binge drinking and compulsive gambling, the Super Bowl is a celebration for everything that brings us joy in life as sports fans. With the exception of the Bruno Mars...
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